and if anyone says ... magic does,nt exist disbelieve cos i feel as if some one stumbled on my blog and cast a spell over it..and me.. true....has it brought peace of mind ...? no....
if i live to be a thousand i,ll never understand people..
but thats ok.. if we were all the same life would be very boring..
i,ll keep on saying good things about the world and all its inhabitants.. its just my nature..

can,t believe my dads 82.. imagine living that long......especially if life the world is dull dreary boring monotonous....or you are ill.. tired.. i say try to change it for the better....
in small ways..this is what i keep on doing... if at first you don,t succeed try try again..
one day if i imagine good health in my minds eye, keep positive..it,ll happen.

.if not at least i gave it my best shot...

nice sunny day..
peaceful.. quiet... birds whistling, the doves are back.. they must have been on holiday.
i think the world looks better outside than it does within 4 walls so i,m going to visit mam and dad...
.little stumbling blocks in life become stepping stones.. which has to be good..really..
i suppose that goes for illness ... m.e... included..

picked myself 3 angel cards out.....
archangel michael.. peace youth... thats me..
.i try to do everything in life with as much dignity as i can muster.. i,ll never change..

blogs are,nt really me so i,ll be back when i,m recovered...
i have limited energy and getting well is priority otherwise well .. i,ll die basically and thats not overdramatising either....

wasn,t coming in but nothing on t.v.. boredom setting in..
and thinking when i look back at my writing.. its..well it looks frivolous a lot of it..and i don,t know the other words.... but it,s not meant to be, far from it..
words don,t and never will be able to give a true picture but i do the best i can with the tools i have to describe a life.... with m.e....

not that i think for a minute anyones interested, but for me its a bit like a soul mate my inner self.. witterings on..thats all..

before long it,ll gather dust and just be something that people will maybe say.. her ? who?
forgot all about her and thats the way it should be really,
i don,t ever flatter myself i,m anything special..there are people out there much more special than me..who deserve to be where they are..rightly so..
ive been on a journey, i,m still on a journey we are all on a journey..


a million words wouldn't cut it..where ive been and still am..
i keep to myself a lot as i would just bog people down..

illness is not something you share..i refuse to..if i,m in misery why should anyone else suffer..in here they don,t know half..
and im always leaving to put everyone out of their misery.. going to mams..running away..trying to make things better.. truth is i have,nt the energy to do much at all.

and in reality ive been nowhere, have,nt moved an inch...ive been right here,
flitting around in the ether 24 hours a day..why? how does that work ?
like.. i,m still here virtually.... i don,t know.. maybe gods way of making transition easier...



me the lass from somewhere back in the 1600s trying and being forced to live in the here and now..
i,ll ponder it and maybe come up with a different conclusion.....
i have no answers.... wish life was just plain sailing cut and dried..

i feel as if theres been a virtual me..up above..the real me down here is trying to understand it all.... suddenly finding herself able to communicate with the minds of spirits... 24 hours a day..

i do feel sometimes very strongly that ive been hurtled straight from a past life into a future unbeknown to me.....
durham plays a strong part cos im drawn there..cathedral.. river.. ..the bells..
all of it.. i feel like something out of time..

thats the thing that makes me sad i,m reminded every day of my childhood..
like flashbacks.... playing, having fun.... don,t understand it..
but i,d rather be there cos life is harsh here and now...so i guess i accept it and escape into it..
and who wants to feel like that every day.? i,m the only one that does, thank god, cos its not nice..

once a medium said this house was haunted..i can,t explain the draughts which started again last night after 11pm...went away a few weeks ago..





i do think theres a place for new technology, well its new to me all of this..computers and stuff..
given the right circumstances.
in its rightful place it can be ok i suppose......

but should be used with utmost caution as words wether they be computers.. email letters texts can be cold and harsh....give off the wrong impression......build a picture thats.. a virtual world really...
in my opinion the best and only way in life will always be the spoken word.
i havent been able to trust the world for eons...
i do try to understand...

been reading healing with angels today fascinating read.
its just something thats always interested me..

ive never been the most confident person.. never..
it lets me down always did..but i can,t help who i am....maybe thats who i,ll always be.. i was always scared of my own shadow....
i think of people and in reality they,d scare me to death.. truth...
but there are some really nice people in the world.....

every night i dream then wake thinking what have i said now.,
i dream i,m making things better....thats a laugh really..

but it was my soul purpose and intention..soul spelt that way for a reason..
and this whatever it is .. energy thing..always seems to become stronger, everytime, just before a crisis occurs..

and really in truth.. in the psychic realm there are 2 things going on feeling and thought.. they have been different ends of the spectrum..
complete contradictions of each other..
tidying up....

universal energy..

listening about mediums today..my gran refused to charge for reading tealeaves she said it was a gift given to her for the purpose of good and it,d be wrong to take payment. she went all over the north east me and mam following..
i loved to sit in the background absorbing all the chatter and goings on..

a lot of mediums in those days would say buy me a small gift if you like...
but when i think back her china cabinet which i loved to look in seemed to have the usual ornaments pot dogs ect but nothing of any monetary value we must have bought many of them so they will at least have had lots of sentimental value..
but it goes to show that no one bought her any gifts for her trouble but she never complained.. my gran went and "laid" people out.. i refused to go..

she was the most lovely woman and had a beautiful singing voice, although nearly deaf she wasnt tone deaf...
her mother was stone deaf as they say.. so it must be hereditary..
my son wants me to have my ears looked at .. i miss a lot..


I think too that even if i attempted to make myself invisible which i nearly am now, people housebound are...id still be felt out in the universe some where... .. strange but very true..
and ive read all the books and still didn't really believe "universal energy" existed.
its a benevolent energy..like attracts like..if you think negative thoughts you attract more. negativity.... thinking positive you attract positives..and so on..
"mind magic"

maybe cos im in the house ive tuned in or become attuned i don,t know..
it,s a power if harnessed can be used for good..otherwise why would you be given it..? people with negative qualities don,t have it..


last 2 days the small blue lights are back hovering just outside my field of vision....and spikes from my finger tips... look like thin wispy grey lines..very spooky..

its only when you experience it for yourself that you become a believer..
reminds me of an angel quote..

its not.... i,ll believe it when i see it, those are the words of the doubter..
the true way is ..you,ll see it when you believe it......suspend belief..
some may never be touched by such things....i pity them really..
but its everyone to thier own..

when i was young i thought id been put on this earth for the sole purpose of enjoying myself and when obstacles came up i got in a right old stop and tizwaz..
now i think differently, life has to be experienced in all its glory, sadly sometimes..warts and all....for me when life goes right (if it ever does or will again) then its the emotions, senses, these are the things you realise as you get older that are worth the most..

when young everything is very shallow..or can be..

have,nt been on here since monday thats got to be a good sign..
woke with a start looked at the clock 3am, dreaming talking to some one quite emphatically.. why ? who?
heaven knows..the chair was empty i,m sure of it, my best dining chair..
i,ll hold back on the rest..

watched are you being framed.. in trouble for opening a bag of crisps.. noisily..

peaceful... birds whistling....

ginger bread cottage..

its either this or doing as ive been doing and blanking it out...i could run away live in a cottage in the middle of the woods.. away from the ... world...
sit and ponder the rest of my days... which is where i belong ..

and we all look forward into the future thinking this is how it is, how its going to be, i did that too.. but for me its not..not anymore...everything changes....
ive been too ill to spend the rest of my days..a prisoner.
.
i,m turning myself inside out to find a way back to.. health.. filled with "zing"...
its just a simple thing...
a way back to life really...other things hold no appeal for me... material things...
they never did..i,m past all that..ive been downsizing for years...

people would read about chakra,s and such...people going about their daily business .. heads in everyday living, thinking... what on earth is she on about.. but there are lots of like minded people ...good people... ive just got to find them.. if i wish to, at the minute i don,t..i,m ok......i,m not well enough anyway.

think when im well nothing much will change..i,ll still be me, and an hour out in the world every now and again will be enough for me..
think when you practice positive thinking exercises for as long as i have from my "mind magic " book its all there in front of you anyway... pictures.. a virtual library.... no need to travel far to see it.. stay here and save all that money..