still goes on.

vitamins. 1pm. or there abouts.healing. the draughts usually behind me when on the computer last 2 days its been upstairs with me. i kept checking to see if the window was open it wasn,t.

tidying blog.

surfaced flu symptoms worse so going back with a cuppa. computer crashed again last night after 2am. spy infection i don,t even know what its called.
theres nothing like fear and worry of what the world tries to do to you to block any good feelings generated, about life and all its magic.. mystical once in a life time things.
sometimes you feel scared vulnerable a rabbit in the headlights.. if the world tries to scare you away it works with people like me...
as long as everyones happy.


pouring down.


Ive had advice ive to drop the negativity so thats what i,ll have to do.
regardless of what goes on on the outside the inside stays the same.

the comment below came true. computer crashed this morning.
spyware infection or what ever its called. hope all my data,s not leaked,.
its all just hanging by a thread.
it nearly went to the grave yard. it may be that i have to call in the experts.
high tech guys, if it gets worse then of course its the authorities, as i know nothing about things like that, ive never been bothered till lately..
its been going on for a quite a few days, maybe longer if i think about it.
its working, but very slowly.

stars for today, on i village, pretend you are locked in a room with a stranger trying to communicate, heavy metal booming through speakers and you can,t find as much as a crayon to write with..
not the exact words but that just about sums up what its been like for some one like me in here. which is why i need to get well soon as possible.

6.30 then 10.45pm early night ..didn't stop eyes faces when i shut mine.
that's all i can say on that matter now. only person who would understand a good psychic I've already asked him about draughts eyes faces without going into much detail, what can you say. ? not much. in a nutshell. !

if i lived to be a thousand id never understand why people in the world do the things they do.

can,t not say that it all still goes on..healing..night, day. thats it really.
turmoil too, just the vibes.. plus mystical things in the midst of it all.
thinking too that sometimes there are people for whatever reason can tune in well ive said it all before but where i fall short is 2 things go on.. feeling and hearing. so i don,t listen. if i do i ignore it. the hearing.

they are 2 completely opposing matters. things happened and i could never believe the hearing after that. only bad things.
thats the thing that caused utter confusion and it didnt matter what i heard after that, i coud,nt ever trust again.
so i dis believed all along really but erred on the side of caution.

so now theres just the healing feeling to try and understand.
it,s not diminishing as i close down and shut myself off it follows me.
its been like this for a long while. in total silence.
its sad when all trust is lost.
but survival mode kicks in when traumatized.
its the only way to explain it.
this is what happens between me and the world.

still goes on.

pondering , life...im thinking of me and the world.
Id like to wish the world and everyone in it the very best at everything they do and want to achieve...i hope too that everyones wildest dreams comes true, i wish everyone every happiness..
if it hasnt happend yet, "wish upon a star" mickey mouse did...

thats not said as a joke or lightly the disney film came to mind.. things like that happen to me... often..
its like i have tv playing in my head..

the world had nothing and never will have anything to fear from me.
i havent it in me. i always tried to do the opposite.
which is why ive always said im best alone.....happiest..
if i can,t do good i wouldnt do anything at all.
thats it really. my mind has to be turned elsewhere . blinkers.

the world and everyone in it will continue to scare me so i,ll just ignore all of it till i,m well.
my kitchens cosy.

suppose i am rock i am an island and its as i said no one ever got me.
the lass who couldnt hack life in the present ... no voice cos i just dare,nt speak to people..
...sadly she belonged in the 16th century.

if anything happens to me then this blog as i said 2 weeks ago will be my only epitaph..
and what will it be ? a few witterings of some one not well..and a few daft poems and stories.. a few bits on draft saying words of love and wisdom to good friends. ...

and people of the world... never fail to amaze me id stand beside innocent people,
to the death..
and when everyone walks out leaving you all alone you still have one person left who will never leave ... yourself.
as i toddle off up the stairs.


nothing new there and i dont mind, im used to it..its what i wanted i,m no use to anyone with no energy..
the top of the bed is and always has been ..base camp to me..

my motto is, when planning.. always remember to make allowances for your heart.
the heart .. speaks.. it has its own universal language.
i trust mine its the only thing i do trust ...
thats it really..

except to say i always make sure love is at the heart of everything.
there are people in the world i love more than life itself....
not just people, we can love animals, flowers, trees ,nature..
all the good stuff.... makes the world go round..

so really i make sure throughout life regardless ive tried to love everyone,
except the bad people of course.. then theres a slim chance it may come back to you.. the boomerang effect ,
if not well its best to keep it up..never give up hope.
im going through deleting now.

healing whatever it is goes on. even when asleep.

signing out.

haven't managed to find her yet but it,s a feeling of lightness, rejuvenation, the elixer of youth. how it happens i don,t know, its maybe just me i don,t know that either.
Ive been ill a long time and when i feel it its like i've been healed completely in an instant.

also, i,m here in my kitchen, i dont see anyone so it proves that this goes on without any human contact at all.
ive noticed too when i read anyones words i know how they are feeling, tired, happy, sad,
all of it. more or less where they are, what they are doing.

see colors too the other day it was green over the keyoard, today its deep purple.. not the rock group.. i dont like heavy metal, well maybe 1 or 2.. the exception.
this has all come about from being isolated and having to use other senses.
lack of sight.
maybe ive taken too much notice and still do, either way its here.
maybe when i,m out in the world it,ll diminish. i don,t know about that either.

i do know that i,m different to anyone else i,ve come across,
but its no good saying you are some thing if you are,nt, cos eventually people see through you best tell the truth from the start, then they can,t come back and say well you never said..
i made friends with a girl down our street and right from the start i told all my little idiosyncrasy's so she had the choice to say early on wether to carry on or not, saves time falling out over differences later, thats how lifes been for me.

reminded me i bought wishbone ash think it could have been close to the edge, no it wasnt that ,havent a clue, only bought it cos i liked blowing free.. dont know where i got close to the edge from its not even on it,
when i was packed off to hull i took it with me and left it on the bus with a good few other things too.
in the days when you never got "nowt" back. that and a million brollies.

sitting in quiet thinking about distance and absent healing.
when i first wrote to the healer betty shine in jan 1999 (sadly passed on now) that was the moment i got into all the mind energy stuff, positive thought, meditation ect.
i found recently it,s the kind of thing that can revitilise not only the mind the spirit but also the body. with powerful immediate effects.

anyone ever having felt the benefit of it would know how much better you feel in that single moment and how it can be used to enhance life.
but this energy has to come from some where then go back out too like a boomerang.
its a 2 way or even multiple thing i.m not sure on that score yet,
but i do know that if one of the links is broken for any reason, be it health, sadness, any negative thought pattern it stops,
so no benefit is gained anymore.

with practice or even no effort, just loving thought, it increases,
i was told this by a psychic healer who set up her own healing centre up in the dales.
i dont know wether she,s still there so i,m off to check her out..
i,m frozen. jacket on collar up.

started writing this at 9.10am it went on forever..
.no need to say much on "healing" front ,what can you say? no need.
how that sort of thing happens ive no idea...
thats it really, still be none the wiser. things come down from up above..
yet some say heaven isnt above us at all its superimposed all around us it just happens to be spinning at a faster higher vibration which means we can,t see it but its there..

we can,t see the wind moving the leaves on trees yet we don,t say,
it can,t be happening just cos it can,t be seen by the naked eye.....

energy never dies it just goes somewhere else it can,t be destroyed.
the human body can be, the ethereal body can,t....so i don,t worry what happens to me ..

I get through each day by saying to myself its the only thing i believe in life.
theres no one to discount it or say you don,t have it cos no one but me feels it,
and if you know some thing to be true in your heart then it doesn't make a hayporth of difference what anyone says to the contrary,
if you are,nt believed it doesn't matter.
the abba songs just come to mind i think they sang about it..angels..

I know the truth so thats how i go.. if there were some way of measuring these things by machine of some sort but of course there is,nt and thats probably for a good reason..

one day in the future there may be a way of finding truth, folk will have a
blue button in the middle of the fore head that shines bright with truth dim,
at other times.....
but for now we can only know by listening to the soul..the heart..
whatever or where ever all this mystical stuff comes from...
mind energy..the sixth sense..

there are all kinds of angels, earth angels too, people who walk the earth without even knowing it..

I don,t think for a minute i,m one, i mix up too, but i have always had a love of them..
and do think i have one walking beside me.. .
at certain times.. behind me when i,m on the computer .. i feel it..not all the time...
some days more than others..
draughts in one spot.. down the left side .. .itches, i see eyes when i shut mine,
faces.. its been just the outline, but becoming more distinct..ringing in ears..
all the classic stuff......

Ive given myself up to it and trust that things will turn out ok, as regards my health..ect.
if not, well, i feel that whatever was marked down for me in my "true life path"
thats gathering dust in the ancient hall of records the moment i was born,
i,ll accept it.. graciously, cos this is what was mapped out for me...

there were, in the past, long ago.. old sages who received messages from all over the world, prayers, they responded by sending out healing through the ether...
"calling cards". in the days when there was no such thing as mail..
signing out.

I dont bother anyone anymore. ive said time and time again....its a world thats not for me.
its the way it was meant to be. i can,t communicate with the world from here anway,
not without mix up and confusion. my m.e. brain won,t allow it.

11.30pm. sitting in utter quiet.

6.20pm

most of the night..
checking out jon cainer. he,s quite good. im interested in astrology.10.43am. quiet. no sound.

signing out.

I was told itll be 2years before im fully fit i refuse to believe this,
but..and as ive always told myself and family this is how it is, its not fair on other people im fully aware of that cos illness has a domino effect .
. but ive felt guilty for too long for something i cant help. and im sorry for it..


wether i ever manage to integrate or even get out properly i dont know..
the futures not ours to see... ke sera sera..

after 6pm.draughts itches eyes.

1.30am. and its thursday morning .. no its friday and im not sure of that ...

1.30pm.

12 mid day.

healing times.

odd times during the night.healing.
dreaming of hugging my brother as if for the first time in ages..we looked at each and said well we saw each other at xmas..then he went off to watch a game of base ball going on near here i sat on the kerbside and watched too..
very weird.

tonight while having quiet. nothing disturbing the inner peace.meditating.

this afternoon. odd times. now and again.

healing...

.started..10.30pm. utter quiet.

just after 12, draughts left side no where else. eyes. all of it really.

3.30pm itches . draughts. all of it.more things on heaven and earth

healing

11am-12am.healing today or what ever it is. couldn't do anything had to go back to bed. got nothing done at all. just paralyzes me.

healing 1.30am- 3am. more things in heaven and earth.today just after 9am thats as much as i know but during the night i could have got up and gone out. its a feeling of wellness.

10pm.

4.45pm healing.

signing out.

deleted negative stuff cos like attracts like.. ..
time to to recover..
simple stuff the kiss method.
.i want to be out and about by summer.

the above sparked off by a knock..a neighbour called for a favour..
ive been standing chatting for ages its at least a year since we chatted.
now i cant move..

this is how it went..
nieghbour.. ...how are you ?
me....not so hot but hoping to be better soon..

n... what is it then is it just not wanting to go out?
m... no.. quite the opposite. i want to feel better so i can get out..
i go on to explain for 10 mins. that i want to have the energy ..
if we,d had transport id have been out by now and it would have been easier.
.the first steps..
people who have cars stood at the end of the drive dont know they are born..

still not much understanding of illness... this is what im up against. every day. little..understanding.. i can handle that. ive had to.

me...im gonna be out by summer or before if poss in the park with meg...
and no doubt ill be the talk of the place..

it,ll be ehh havent seen you for ages.. watched like a hawk.
nieghbour replied... itll just be a 2 minute topic once the noveltys worn off theyll move onto some one else ...

ive got all this healing stuff going on stronger in the last week yet everything has gone pear shaped..and i kept my head down.. stuff follows me about... doesnt matter what i do..

thinking when i close my eyes now i see near perfect faces..
before it was just the outline now its features.too.

most of the night. stronger today than ever . theres been a draught behind me most of the night. itches like cobwebs over face left side. left ankle too. don,t really understand it all. im blank
its like being plugged into battersea power station.

turned in early healing still going on. strong.. all night all day really.
went on an angel site yesterday. its wondrous the things that can happen to you just outta the blue.. i,m still unsure about it, which is the wrong thing to say cos nobody believed in tinker bell ... she died..

its getting the head around the concept that these things happen,
some ones ill and some how they recieve something..from some one some where..
was gonna say in the post but thats frivolous and just popped into my head.
its through the ether.. unversal life force.. energy. that can be harnessed for all kinds of purpose and im living testament.

so I'm receiving some thing from some where....why ? how? don't know..
unless its coming from me..i don't think so. it just happens unconsciously.. the most beautiful thing ever..
i can,t speak of it that's the sad thing...thats how it should be..

signing out.

healing or whatever very strong all afternoon. faded, now back . correct time.6pm.

healing or whatever stronger than ever. 1.18pm. it has to stand for someting or have a reason. thats the thing. getting the head around that..thats the difficult bit.

utter quiet.. meditating.. healing began just before 10am .
eyes when i shut mine, all sorts very spooky. clocks not showing correct time its 11.30am

so its an energy that is channeled.
life force, and the sad thing is its not recognised this sort of thing, for the magic that it is .
still we live in a world that fights and flatches on...people should just trust in it.
as a good thing. i do, i,.. see it when i believe it..
signing out. im just trying to get well. and welcome assistance from heavenly beings..

asked another psychic about it tonight said its draughts itches a feeling. she said its healing it causes blockages to be removed. which is the feeling. thats all i know its gotta come from somewhere so someone is a channel it comes from above into a person a channel then its passed to me thats the gist of it really i have nt got my head round it cos it hasnt happened before
but its getting stronger as my all round situation worsens..

tonight.. after 8pm then after midnight. have seen more eyes than usual when i close mine.. itches around the face, draughts.. behind me.. a draught around left ankle even when under covers.. mystery. i,ll always be a mystery. it may dwindle but been stronger since middle last week. i feel well when i have it. thats a miracle in itself.

most of the morning, late-ish..still going on. its nearly 2pm. clocks wrong.

most of last night. even when asleep i woke having dreamed of it. eyes. very weird i dont know what to make of it at al but its there from somewhere.

a blog for times of absent healing..

times of absent healing..all afternoon.signing out.