still ill with flu.. asleep early..woke thinking it was weekend..can,t cough it hurts..

I don,t think personal info should be going into blogs....
there are those that may like the spotlight on them and those who don,t, i don,t...i find it embarrassing.. its like putting yourself up for sale in a shop window and taking the chance of no one wanting to buy you..
i,m a very private person....so ive trimmed it all down...

all i wished for when i opened the blog was maybe some one with M.E would read it and be inspired to carry on....knowing they were,nt alone,
thats what i told ian..i just wanted a journal of renewal.. i diary of how i try to come out of the wilderness..cos thats where ive been..i was going to say still am but ive learnt a lot about myself.. so ive moved on a bit..

I got off the beaten track.. but that's cos i,ve been ill myself..
but only ever had good in my heart.. that's true, does,nt matter what anyone says i know its the truth deep down....i will keep saying that..
ive no wish to bother anyone so i go nowhere but here and internet shop..horoscopes..

a friend said you can,t be happy being stuck in... thats the thing... i have been..
i know that once my health is renewed..
going out will be as easy for me as it is for everyone else and this struggle that i have now will melt away... was tempted to say like lemon drops..so i have..
of course in reality thats far from the truth..

I,d like to sit back and inspire people to do whatever their heart wishes for..a dream they,ve maybe held and been too ... don,t know the word...scared or deflated to put in motion,

really i,m a free spirit, always was..no ties..a butterfly..i flit here and there....
eccentric..? maybe..i just don,t follow the pack..... a pioneer as not many have done what im doing so i have no benchmark..



im happiest when steeped in my hobbies..cardmaking...reading, painting.. there are people much worse off than me....ive never grown up, i ditch responsibility,


I,m lucky at home i can please myself.....although i do my share of running a household....
but i can do very much what i like.. which is just as well...i,m headstrong ....
if i come up against anything that slows me down eg.. illness... ect...or
opposition i just take a different route.. a turning..slow down...
but the path always leads me to my destination... it may take time ..
no one holds me down, the only person holding me down is me...

maybe one day they may get sick of me being ill and say its time you got your act together normal service must be resumed.......up to now they have,nt thank goodness cos it would terrify me...
but if so.....i,ll just say politely.. no... and find another way of getting well....
.
ive thought about it they have urged me..coaxed.. cajoled.. ..got angry... ive still put up resistence.... once i dig in my heels there,s not much point...
i don,t think ive come across anyone who,s changed my mind from the mind set that i have..
i don,t know anyone so don,t know wether i,m wrong thinking like this..
but i don,t trust anyone anymore...i can only go with whats right whats wrong and choose .. right..
anyway...god is good..
and if i dont make it ....then its just what god had in store for me..

you have to have trust in a higher force....its all i have.. when down you,ve no where else to go to look for help..
except inside your true higher self.. your soul...
and magic.. well it exists....some people are lucky enough in this lifetime to have experienced it..

it doesnt matter what anyone says to the contrary to that either
cos i know truth,... ..to be nurtured .. not abused.....
anyway..god would look down and say.."gillian...shame on you..."
i try blocking, thinking of other things..but its tiring doing that..chakra,s.. ive found out do exist..

so... in essence.. i,m the keeper of it.. the soul gaurdian...ive spelt soul that way for a reason ..
why me? don,t know that either but even if they send me to the tower i,ll keep saying it ..among other "good" things.. that there are more things in heaven and earth..

no birds whistling today..they,ve all maybe gone further afield..
going back to bed...thinking what day is it.. what a weird old week..
ive a very gruff voice today... (flu).. sound like a man.. perish the thought..

i do think that all men should live in one village all women in another.. a big wide deep river dividing the 2... never the twixt to meet .. or is that the twain...? anyway.... except maybe on a sunday...

unless they built a bridge id never leave my village... can,t swim and deep water terrifies me..