wasn,t coming in but nothing on t.v.. boredom setting in..
and thinking when i look back at my writing.. its..well it looks frivolous a lot of it..and i don,t know the other words.... but it,s not meant to be, far from it..
words don,t and never will be able to give a true picture but i do the best i can with the tools i have to describe a life.... with m.e....

not that i think for a minute anyones interested, but for me its a bit like a soul mate my inner self.. witterings on..thats all..

before long it,ll gather dust and just be something that people will maybe say.. her ? who?
forgot all about her and thats the way it should be really,
i don,t ever flatter myself i,m anything special..there are people out there much more special than me..who deserve to be where they are..rightly so..
ive been on a journey, i,m still on a journey we are all on a journey..


a million words wouldn't cut it..where ive been and still am..
i keep to myself a lot as i would just bog people down..

illness is not something you share..i refuse to..if i,m in misery why should anyone else suffer..in here they don,t know half..
and im always leaving to put everyone out of their misery.. going to mams..running away..trying to make things better.. truth is i have,nt the energy to do much at all.

and in reality ive been nowhere, have,nt moved an inch...ive been right here,
flitting around in the ether 24 hours a day..why? how does that work ?
like.. i,m still here virtually.... i don,t know.. maybe gods way of making transition easier...



me the lass from somewhere back in the 1600s trying and being forced to live in the here and now..
i,ll ponder it and maybe come up with a different conclusion.....
i have no answers.... wish life was just plain sailing cut and dried..

i feel as if theres been a virtual me..up above..the real me down here is trying to understand it all.... suddenly finding herself able to communicate with the minds of spirits... 24 hours a day..

i do feel sometimes very strongly that ive been hurtled straight from a past life into a future unbeknown to me.....
durham plays a strong part cos im drawn there..cathedral.. river.. ..the bells..
all of it.. i feel like something out of time..

thats the thing that makes me sad i,m reminded every day of my childhood..
like flashbacks.... playing, having fun.... don,t understand it..
but i,d rather be there cos life is harsh here and now...so i guess i accept it and escape into it..
and who wants to feel like that every day.? i,m the only one that does, thank god, cos its not nice..

once a medium said this house was haunted..i can,t explain the draughts which started again last night after 11pm...went away a few weeks ago..





i do think theres a place for new technology, well its new to me all of this..computers and stuff..
given the right circumstances.
in its rightful place it can be ok i suppose......

but should be used with utmost caution as words wether they be computers.. email letters texts can be cold and harsh....give off the wrong impression......build a picture thats.. a virtual world really...
in my opinion the best and only way in life will always be the spoken word.
i havent been able to trust the world for eons...
i do try to understand...

been reading healing with angels today fascinating read.
its just something thats always interested me..

ive never been the most confident person.. never..
it lets me down always did..but i can,t help who i am....maybe thats who i,ll always be.. i was always scared of my own shadow....
i think of people and in reality they,d scare me to death.. truth...
but there are some really nice people in the world.....

every night i dream then wake thinking what have i said now.,
i dream i,m making things better....thats a laugh really..

but it was my soul purpose and intention..soul spelt that way for a reason..
and this whatever it is .. energy thing..always seems to become stronger, everytime, just before a crisis occurs..

and really in truth.. in the psychic realm there are 2 things going on feeling and thought.. they have been different ends of the spectrum..
complete contradictions of each other..
tidying up....